I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
