can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
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