If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
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