I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
