The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Randomize
