I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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