Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize