I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal