the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
