well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
Randomize
