I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
