google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
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