So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
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And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
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Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
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