genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
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