The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
