im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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