Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
