he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
