The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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