He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Randomize
