i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
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