He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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