So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Randomize
