cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
