I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Randomize
