Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
