just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
