I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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