Moan for me like Helen Keller
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
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