he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
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