grandma shit on top of the toilet
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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