i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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