Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
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