just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
