Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
