Plan B is the new Plan A
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Randomize
