Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Randomize
