How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
That reminds me...we need to get swords
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
