real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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