Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
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