Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Randomize
