my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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