He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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