rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Randomize
