I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
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