My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
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I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
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I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
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