Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
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