id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
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