dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Randomize
