i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
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