The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
