I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Randomize
