After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
