so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
