he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
17 year olds will be the death of me.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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