You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
