is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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