Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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