I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
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