I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
They took my balls.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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