I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
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