oh god the rape fog is back!
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
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