I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
Randomize
