WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
