At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
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