Are we in a gay sports bar?
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
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