My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Randomize
