I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
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