Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
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