So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Randomize
