I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Randomize
