Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
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