her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
