its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
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