no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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