dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
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