dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
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